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Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue - Nostalgia Critic
Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue - Nostalgia Critic è un video scritto, diretto e interpretato da Doug Walker, seconda puntata della storica web-serie Nostalgia Critic. Inizialmente pubblicata sul sito web ThatGuyWithTheGlasses (in seguito rinominato Channel Awesome) il 7 aprile 2008,http://channelawesome.com/nostalgia-critic-cartoon-all-stars-to-the-rescue/ è stata caricata su YouTube il 14 novembre, per essere poi ricaricata solo il 10 aprile 2015, sul canale Channel Awesome. Il video è la recensione dello special televisivo Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue (noto in Italia come I Nostri Eroi alla Riscossa ''o ''Cartoni Animati Contro la Droga), andato in onda negli Stati Uniti nel 1990 per sensibilizzare i più giovani sulla prevenzione del consumo di droga. Lo special vedeva la partecipazione di alcuni dei più popolari personaggi dei cartoni animati americani anni '80, come i Looney Tunes, Garfield e le Tartarughe Ninja. Descrizione Questa seconda puntata vede delinearsi quello che sarà lo stile tipico della serie, in quanto consiste in una vera e propria recensione comica che segue il prodotto analizzato dall'inizio alla fine, condita da molto sarcasmo e umorismo nero e sopra le righe. Il video inizia con il Nostalgia Critic che racconta di aver trovato una VHS di questo special in un videonoleggio, e di essere stato investito da "un'onda di ricordi deludenti". Racconta dunque come la ABC decise di produrre un mediometraggio di 30 minuti che coinvolgesse i protagonisti delle serie animate più popolari all'epoca, e di come tale notizia avesse mandato in visibilio i bambini dell'epoca, che non vedevano l'ora di assistere all'evento. Ma l'entusiasmo viene quasi subito smorzato dall'intervento dell'allora presidente degli Stati Uniti George Bush, che introduce lo special con un discorso sull'importanza della famiglia, decisamente poco appetibile per un bambino. Finalmente inizia il cartone, e ci sono proprio tutti, dai Puffi ai Ghostbusters, da Garfield a, per qualche strano motivo, Alf. Senonché l'allegria del Critic viene quasi subito soffocata non appena si rende conto che il tema dello special è la droga, ed è traumatizzato dal sentire tutti i suoi eroi d'infanzia parlare di marijuana. Un'ulteriore delusione viene dal fatto che il protagonista del mediometraggio è in realtà un personaggio creato ad hoc, Michael, un adolescente con dei problemi di droga, la cui dipendenza è rappresentata come una nuvola di fumo parlante doppiata da George C. Scott. Così, dopo che Bugs Bunny mostra con l'ausilio di una macchina del tempo il motivo che ha portato Michael a fumare marijuana, ovvero il desiderio di essere accettato dai coetanei, tutti gli altri personaggi iniziano a fare la predica al ragazzo con una canzone (scritta nientemeno che da Alan Menken) che spinge il Critic a tentare il suicidio. Costui sottolinea poi come in questo special tutti non facciano altro che piangere e soprattutto sciorinare fastidiose morali per mezz'ora, facendo una battuta sul fatto che tutti i personaggi animati presenti si comportino come se fossero essi stessi sotto l'effetto di sostanze stupefacenti, compreso il presidente Bush nell'introduzione. Il video si chiude con il Critic che, in barba alla morale, consuma della droga con un narghilè. Testohttps://thatguywiththeglasses.wikia.com/wiki/Cartoon_All-Stars_to_the_Rescue Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't have to. You know, I was walking down the aisles of a video store the other day and I noticed something I haven't seen in years: Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue. Immediately, a pool of disappointing memories came flooding back to me and I just knew I had to see this piece of shit again. Now, for those of you who don't remember the special, I'll give you the skinny: in the early 90s, ABC said they were gonna do a half-hour special featuring kids' favorite cartoons. You name it: Duck Tales, Chipmunks, Looney Tunes, Ninja Turtles, the works. When you're a kid this is the equivalent of, like, Elvis meets the Beatles, the world could just explode right there. So for weeks we had been waiting in anticipation and finally the big day came. The Saturday morning, all the kids are up and we're hyped as hell! And who do they get to start off this groundbreaking event? None other than the GODDAMN PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES HIMSELF. Oh my God, George Bush is starting this thing off! Oh my God...George Bush is starting this thing off... That can't be good. He goes on and on about how listening to your parents is important and how to maintain the American Family, but when you're a kid, hyped up as hell, all you can hear is: BLAH BLAH BLAH, I'M AN OLD PERSON, BLAH BLAH BLAH, I'M KEEPING YOU FROM YOUR CARTOONS, BLAH BLAH BLAH. So after he's done blabbing the show finally begins, and it's just like the commercials say, everybody's there: The Smurfs, Ghostbusters, Garfield, ALF...for some reason...I don't know, maybe he snuck in the back, I don't know. But bottom line, everybody's there. It's unbelievable, it's a dream come true. So now that all our favorite cartoons are together in one spot, what are they gonna talk about? (Marijuana) ...scusi? (Marijuana) Did...did Simon of the Chipmunks just say marijuana? What...what would possess Simon of the Chipmunks to say marijuana? No, no no no, this has gotta be some kind of a mistake. It can't be the same marijuana we're thinkin' of. (An unlawful substance used to experience artificial highs) Oh my God...wh-why is Simon of the Chipmunks talking about marijuana? What kind of a slap in the face is that? I mean, Simon shouldn't know what marijuana is! Simon is one of the embodiments of childhood, he's from Alvin and the Chipmunks for cryin' out loud! JESUS, I feel so dirty. Simon of the Chipmunks just said marijuana! Is there any other American icon that can smash the foundations of my childhood any quicker? (What's this, a joint?) WHY DOES BUGS BUNNY KNOW WHAT A JOINT IS?! Bugs Bunny shouldn't know what a joint is. If he knows what a joint is, it means he knows what drugs are. If Bugs Bunny knows what drugs are, it means the rest of the Looney Tunes know what drugs are. And if the rest of the Looney Tunes know what drugs are, well that...JUST EXPLAINS TOO GODDAMN MUCH! o, if you haven't put it together yet: All our favorite cartoon characters, that we grew up with, are coming together to talk to US about...drugs. ...This is going to be a long half hour. So it turns out the special was not even anout the cartoon characters, it's about a little twerp named Michael who has a stinkin' drug problem. He sinks to a new low when he steals his sister Corey's piggy bank. He uses it to buy more drugs which he keeps in a box under his bed. And what exactly does he keep in that box? A silly putty egg, four turds, and two Cinnamon Buns stuck together. Because hey, he was high, and thought it was a good idea at the time. Corey thinks about telling her father, but he's too busy being an alcoholic, and gay...and the Brawny man. To make matters worse, Michael is followed around by this obnoxious puff of smoke, voiced by George C. Scott. (Hey, he needed me! All his cares went...poof) Okay, that was lame. But I like his next speech a whole lot better: (This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap! The bilious bastards who wrote that stuff about individuality don't know anything more about real battle than they do about fornicating!) Now THAT'S a puff of smoke I can follow! But tell me, where did this slippery slope of marijuana abuse begin? Well luckily Bugs Bunny has a time machine that's able to show us. We find out that Michael just wanted to fit in, and that's why he started smoking marijuana in the first place. And once you listen to how he talks, can you really blame him? Somebody give that kid a joint. After that we get some more narc speeches from Ninja Turtles, Duck Tales and the Muppet Babies. 'Cause when I think about drugs... I think Muppet Babies! So after some long-winded speeches, the characters get together and do the most logical thing they can think of: they have an intervention. With an Alan Menken song. If you survived your suicide attempt, the special ends pretty much as you would imagine it. Michael gets off the drugs, he makes up with his sister, the puff of smoke disappears, and his attentive parents are none the wiser. So, what message are kids supposed to take from this special? That if they smoke weed, all their favorite cartoon characters would appear? Yeah, that's a top notch moral right there. And if you don't get off the drugs, these suckers get violent! In fact, I was surprised at how cruel some of these characters are. I mean look, they lock people in burning buildings, run them over with a roller coaster, blow 'em up, drown them, even Winnie the Pooh gets his ass handed to him. Jesus, these suckers are mean! Another problem I have with this special is that everybody cries at the drop of a hat. Watch! You see? So, okay, what exactly are these cartoon characters trying to tell us? (There's nothing cool about a fool on drugs!) Eh, fair enough, I guess. So the next time... (What's up doc, is your life, if you don't cut it out) Okay... (You're excellent just the way you are!) Got it! (We don't always see things the way they are) Okay, I... (Just believe in yourself!) Well... (We care about you) Well, maybe... (Everyone's got problems, kid) Yeah... (Why don't you just say no?) Got it. (You gotta believe in yourself!) Will you shut up? (Listen to us!) Yeah, I heard you! (You use, you lose) OKAY! GOD! You know I thought this would be really cool, but you know what? This really blows! All my cartoon characters are fuckin' narcs! I mean for crying out loud, how many times do you have to hammer this shit in? (If everyone was jumpin' off a cliff, would you go too?) Maybe after seein' this shit! I mean for crying out loud, you know what the irony is? I think most of these cartoon characters were on drugs LONG before this special came out. I mean look at 'em: Garfield's always hungry, Pooh's happy as hell, Daffy's hyped up on speed, and Michelangelo...well LISTEN to him! I even think our beloved president smoked a doobie before he came out. I mean look at him! He's looking at Barbara's head like it's a giant cheeseburger. Maybe I'm being too harsh on this special, after all they are trying to get across a very moral lesson. (Drugs aren't your pal, pal, they're your enemy!) A very sound point. Any objections? (I make 'em feel good!) He's got me there! Accoglienza Dal 2015 ad oggi, il video ha totalizzato oltre 200.000 visualizzazioni. Crediti * Regia: Doug Walker; * Sceneggiatura: Doug Walker; * Musica di chiusura: Wonderful Ways to Say No Curiosità * Questo è il primo video in cui il Critic pronuncia la celebre frase d'introduzione "I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't have to!". * Quando cita George C. Scott, inserisce come gag un suo discorso estrapolato dal film Patton, Generale d'Acciaio. * Un riferimento a questa recensione è presente nella puntata di Nostalgia Critic dedicata al film The Room, in cui Doug utilizza la canzone Mille Modi al Mondo per Dire No, presente nello special. Note Categoria:Video Categoria:Puntate di Nostalgia Critic Categoria:Video sulla televisione Categoria:Video comici Categoria:Channel Awesome Categoria:Nostalgia Critic